• Acknowledge the significance of this death on you and your whānau. Take the time you need to begin processing the news. 
• Grief and shock reactions vary. It’s normal to feel numb, overwhelmed, angry, confused, or deeply distressed.  
• Let others know what has happened, if you feel ready to do so. It’s okay to say it is a suspected suicide. It’s okay to use the word ‘suicide’. If the cause of death is unclear, you may refer to it as a ‘sudden death.’ 
• You may wish to spend time with the person’s tūpāpaku/body while they are in the care of the mortuary. Discuss this with mortuary staff. 
• If the tūpāpaku is unclothed, you may wish to provide clothing. 
• Be aware that the death could become public knowledge via social media or other channels. You may wish to (or have someone else) draft a statement/post acknowledging the death. 
• Consider nominating a trusted person to speak on behalf of the whānau, including liaising with police, the mortuary, and the funeral director. 
• It might be helpful to keep a notebook to track details of services and people you've spoken with.

Police

• Police must attend every sudden death, including suspected suicides, to investigate, gather information (which may include speaking with whānau and friends), examine possessions of the person who died, and report the case to the coroner. Find more information here.

Post-mortem

• A post-mortem (autopsy) is legally required for all unexpected deaths. You can read more about this process on the Coronial Services website.   
• In some cases, you may wish to object to the post-mortem, or request that it be limited in scope. Before the post-mortem, you can: 
  • Request no examination of the head 
  • Request no removal of body parts 
  • Ask for an external examination only
• To object, contact the duty coroner on 0800 266 800 as soon as possible, ideally within 24 hours. 
• If the objection is declined, whānau can apply to the High Court within 48 hours. Legal aid is available. 
• This process can be distressing. Reach out to Huarahi Ora, a kaumātua, or an iwi liaison officer for support in upholding tikanga and wairua. 

If a New Zealander dies overseas

• The Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Trade (MFAT), along with New Zealand Embassies or High Commissions, can support you with advice on local funeral options, repatriation, and navigating official processes in the country where the death occurred. In most cases, you’ll need a funeral director both in the country where the death happened and in Aotearoa to coordinate the arrangements.

If someone from overseas dies in Aotearoa 

• If someone who isn’t a New Zealand citizen dies here, their death still needs to be registered and plans made for their body or ashes – sometimes this means arranging for them to be returned to their home country. Police and Interpol can help with letting overseas whānau know, and a local funeral director can guide you through the process (including working with a funeral director in the person’s home country if needed).

• A funeral, hui mate, or tangihanga may be held. For more information, visit Your tangihanga/funeral director.

• There is no need to rush anything. Try to go at your own pace and look after the wellbeing of yourself and your whānau. 
• Please know, it’s okay to ask for help. Find out more here. 
• You may wish to hold a blessing at the place of death. 
• If you or someone close to you is experiencing distressing memories or flashbacks, seek support from your GP and explore more support options here. 
• Depending on your relationship with the person who died, there may be estate matters to settle. Go to The will for more information.

• It’s normal to keep having many questions about the loss. 
• You may find it helpful to gently sit with these questions, in your own time. 
• If you can, lean on someone you trust to walk alongside you through this journey. 
• Consider connecting with Aoake te Rā, the free suicide bereavement counselling service. 
• Joining a support group and connecting with other people bereaved by suicide can provide you comfort and support. 
• If you can, connect with your marae, faith community, cultural group, or another space that feels safe and supportive for you.  
• Whānau may contribute information to the coroner about the person who died, to help provide context and understanding.

• Please keep in mind that anniversaries of death and other special dates can be particularly difficult.  
• The second year can bring renewed grief as the initial shock fades. You may experience secondary losses (such as relationship, identity, or financial losses) – the ripple effects that come after the main loss. 
• Grief doesn’t follow a timetable, and there’s no one way you ‘should’ feel. Grief is a process of ongoing understanding, and it will always be there, even if it changes over time. 
• The coronial process may take time. Be prepared for a possible wait and surround yourself with other people who can support you. 
• You can ask Coronial Services to help arrange someone to support you through the process. They can also provide a language interpreter if you need one. 
• When the final coronial report is available, consider reading it with a support person. You can also ask a doctor or GP to help interpret any medical details in the report.