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Some whānau choose to be closely involved in this process – caring for the body, making arrangements for burial or cremation, or guiding the ceremony themselves. Others may prefer to hand more of the responsibilities to a funeral director. There’s no right or wrong way to do this; it’s always the family’s choice. Discuss with your whānau what feels right for you.
Funeral directors are there to support you with as little or as much as you need. They can offer advice on your options, help manage practical tasks, and ensure your cultural, spiritual and personal wishes are respected.
You also have the option to arrange a burial or cremation without a funeral director. The Department of Internal Affairs – Te Tari Taiwhenua has information on how to do this (see here for more details).
What funeral directors can help with
A funeral director may be able to:
- Provide clear information about post-mortem processes and coronial requirements
- Arrange the return of the person’s body to your chosen funeral home or another place of rest
- Prepare the body for viewing, and organise opportunities for whānau and friends to say goodbye
- Support the planning of a funeral, tangihanga (tangi) or memorial event
- Co-ordinate burial or cremation procedures
- Register the death on your behalf
- Help you receive an official death certificate
- Connect with the person’s lawyer to check for any instructions left in a will
- Assist with applying for funeral grants or financial support.
To find a funeral director, you can visit the Funeral Directors Association of New Zealand or NZ Independent Funeral Homes (NZIFH).
For more guidance on organising a funeral or tangihanga, you can order or download free copies of the Funerals in Aotearoa after a death by suicide companion resources. The first resource is aimed at bereaved whānau, while the other is tailored to service providers (whānau leaders, funeral directors, faith leaders and celebrants, for example.)
The cost of a funeral
“It was a surreal moment to find myself online looking up caskets for my 22-year-old son after he died of suicide. Finding a coffin for your child is something you never expect to do. I was shocked to learn about the cost of a funeral – I didn’t expect that. The funeral director was good though. He helped me apply for a funeral grant to help cover costs. He also gave me a list of the funeral costs so I could choose what I wanted to have or not have, to help keep the costs down.” — Anonymous
Funerals and tangihanga can be expensive, and it’s often the whānau who cover the costs upfront. Later, these costs may be reimbursed through the person’s estate, insurance, or a pre-paid funeral plan if one was in place. Some funeral directors offer payment plans or accept instalments. Don’t hesitate to ask about what’s possible for your situation.
It’s a good idea to ask the funeral director for a full breakdown of costs, so you can choose what matters most to you. Many families find this helps them plan within their means and avoid unexpected expenses.
You may be eligible for a Work and Income grant, or have ACC help with the costs – find out more information here. CAB has a useful article on available financial assistance with funeral costs here.
At such an emotional time, having the right support around you can make a big difference. You don’t have to do it all at once, and you don’t have to do it alone.