Some of this contact may feel supportive and comforting. Some may feel like too much. 

You may also hear or experience things that feel clumsy or even hurtful. Sometimes, people speak without thinking or do things that are not tika/appropriate while coping with their own grief. It’s okay to set boundaries to protect you and your whānau as you grieve. 

Here is some advice for navigating this time: 

• You only need to share what feels right for you. Don’t feel pressured to explain more than you’re ready to. Writing down a few words ahead of time can help you feel more prepared. 
• You can choose who to speak with, and when. It’s okay to delay replying to messages or to ask someone you trust to respond for you. You are allowed to create space around yourself and protect your energy. Those who care about you will understand.   
• Create space for rest and reflection. Place a sign on your door, leave social media for a while, or simply say “we’re taking time as a whānau to be together.” 
• You may feel uncertain or overwhelmed. Grief can cloud decision-making. If you’re unsure about something, you can say, “I need some time to think.”  
• If people offer help, accept it if it feels right. Let others lighten the load: with kai/food, messages, caring for tamariki/children, housework, or simply sitting with you in silence. You don’t have to do everything yourself. 
• Later on, when friends or whānau invite you to social events, it’s okay to say “I’ll see how I’m feeling on the day” – and it’s absolutely fine to decline if you need to. 
• If you’re on your own or feeling overwhelmed, try to let people you trust check in with you. Call a free helpline to talk to a trained counsellor for some comfort, advice and support.

If it feels right, allow those around you to uplift and protect your mana, wrap aroha around you, and help carry the weight of this loss.