You may be carrying your own mamae/pain, while also needing to support others as they hear the news. Be kind to yourself through this process. You’re doing the best you can in an extremely difficult situation. 

Here are some suggestions that might help ease the burden: 

• Ask someone you trust to awhi/support you to share the news with others. You don’t have to do it all by yourself. 
• Make a list of the people who should hear directly from you or someone close to you, like another whānau member. Think about who was especially close to the person who died. 
• Speak simply and clearly. A short explanation is okay – you don’t need to share every detail. 
• It's okay to let people know the person has taken their own life, or that this is a death by suspected suicide.  
• It’s safe to say the word ‘suicide’ – rest assured it will not put the thought of suicide in people’s heads. 
• Alternatively, if the cause of death is not yet confirmed, it's okay to say this too. You can refer to this as a ‘sudden death’.  
• You can also use the term ‘sudden death’ if for whatever reason, you don't want to use the word ‘suicide’.  
• Avoid euphemisms like ‘they’ve passed on’ or ‘they’re in a better place now.’ Gentle honesty is more helpful, even though it can be hard. 
• You might start by saying something like, “I have some very sad news to tell you”. This helps prepare the other person for what you’re about to share. 
• Let people take the news in at their own pace. Traumatic news can be hard to absorb. You may need to repeat yourself, or gently correct misunderstandings.

It’s especially important to notify those closest to the person before anything is posted online. A phone call or an in-person kōrero/conversation is best. Try not to let someone learn about a death by suicide through social media if it can be avoided. For more tips, go to Using social media safely. 

And remember: you don’t have to explain more than you’re comfortable with. If you don’t know the answer to a question, or don’t feel ready to talk about it, it’s perfectly okay to say, “I don’t know,” “I’m not ready to talk about that,” or “I don’t have that information yet.” 

This is hard, and it’s okay to take breaks. You don’t need to do everything at once. You are allowed space to grieve, and time to process what’s happened.