Every child or young person will react differently when someone close to them has died by suicide.
Their age and their emotions will influence what they can take in and understand at this point. You may need to repeat key information later. Telling children and young people early on prevents them from hearing about it inappropriately from others.
To help children and young people come to terms with losing someone to suicide, make sure you:
- Start to deal with your own feelings first. Pause to reflect on and manage your own emotions so you can speak calmly to the child or children in your life
- Explain key facts simply and honestly, but avoid describing specific details about the method of death. These can be very distressing, and can increase the risk of suicidal behaviour if the young person is having their own thoughts of suicide
- Check they understand what has happened. Suicide might be a new word for them
- Let them know suicide is never anyone’s fault and it’s not their fault. This message may need to be repeated over and over again
- Listen. Let them talk about what has happened. It helps them to make sense of it
- Reassure them that no single thing will have caused the person to die, but a mixture of things
- Children may have lots of questions which you can't answer, but it can be helpful for the child to ask them anyway. Explain why some questions cannot be answered with certainty
- The directness of their questions may be unsettling for you, but try to give them space to ask what they need to. They might also ask questions later on, even months or years later - be prepared to listen
- Let them know they are loved, cared for and safe.